On Being a Horrible Mother

I'm aware that people will say "oh you're not a bad mom, all kids have accidents." I don't care. At the very least I had a "bad mom moment". I was careless. I live in a two-story house. I have a flight of stairs. There are 14 stairs. I know because one of my obsessive habits is counting. Everytime I walk up or down those stairs I count them. I wasn't even doing anything important. I was looking on the stupid computer for something. My 10-month old son was crawling around in his room with his brother. I was right in the next room, somehow I thought that he wouldn't crawl out of that room because he was playing and if he did I thought I'd hear him. Well, he did and I didn't. Now I want to put a bell around his neck like a cat so I always know where he is. I heard a thump thump and he started to cry. I jumped up and yelled at my older son, "what are you doing?" thinking he had knocked the baby down or something but when I got to the door I heard more thumping and realized the baby wasn't in the bedroom he was falling down the stairs. All fourteen of them. I was shocked and horrified. How could I have been so stupid, so careless? I hate that gate. It's a pain to shut, a pain to open. But is it such a hassle that I was willing to risk my child's life? I was halfway down the stairs by the time he hit the bottom. I was in shock, what should I do? Should I call his dad, the doctor? Go straight the the ER? I picked him up and tried to soothe him. He was conscious, he was crying. It was a miracle in my eyes that he was alive. I don't care what anyone will say or think, I know that this was a miracle. I took all his clothes off once he calmed down and checked him all over. I squeezed his little arms, his legs, felt his belly and his back. Checked and re-checked his head. He seemed to be fine. I took him to the doctor an hour later. She assured me that this happens all the time, that he was fine but I will never forgive myself. I am so much more careful now but I'm still shocked that he wasn't seriously injured. As a mother you take the love you feel for your children for granted. That changes when they are in danger. I was given a second chance to protect my baby and I'm grateful. If I sound dramatic, well, it was dramatic to me.

I don't know

So this is my first attempt at blogging. Forgive me if I commit some blog faux pas. I'm not hip or trendy. I don't know what it is in my hard-wiring that makes me disdainful of things that are popular or trendy.
I don't text. In fact, I'm downright hostile towards it. My husband is quite the texter. Is that a word? He laughs at my unwillingness to type into my cell phone. I guess I don't understand why you would want to type something out instead of calling and just saying it. Maybe if you were in a meeting and couldn't talk and just wanted to tell your spouse to stop and get some milk on the way home it'd be handy. It's the whole conversation thing and the forwarding lame jokes that aren't even worth forwarding in your e-mail. It costs money people! My 18 year-old brother says it's to keep in touch with people you don't really want to talk to or who are hard to get off the phone with. Well, if you don't really want to talk to them then don't, it's called not being friends anymore. Not that big of a deal. As for people who won't get off the phone, if they are that rude then be rude back. Just say talk to you later and hang up. Am I crazy here? By all means let me know.
My other thing is TIVO. I'm not a big fan of the T.V. Maybe if I didn't have a screaming 10 month old and talkative 3 year old and if there was something decent on I would care. I don't watch Survivor or American Idol or whatever the latest "cool" new show is. I don't understand people who forego real live interactions with others because of some stupid show on T.V. My in-laws are T.V. addicted. They watch so much crap that sometimes they have to actually watch what they want to watch while it's on because their TIVO is already busy with their other shows. Oh the horror! I like movies and every once in awhile I'll see a show that entertains me, but honestly there is so much I'd rather be doing.
I guess I'm just wondering if I'm the only person out there who doesn't care about whats on T.V. and just uses there cellphone to (gasp) make phone calls.